Are You Treating Your Health, Life and Loved Ones as an Afterthought?

“None of us are going to get out of here alive, so please stop thinking of yourself as an afterthought.” – Anthony Hopkins I just got off my monthly phone call with a long-time friend.

Everyone who has ever met her says, even if they only met her for a few minutes in the hallway, “She made me feel I was the most important person in the world. She listened to every word I said and then said just the right thing to lift me up and move me forward.”

What some people don’t know is she has been dealing with Stage 4 cancer the last two years. She has many 9-on-the-scale-of-10 pain days and never knows which day might be her last.

As a result, she lives every day like it might be her last. That’s not being trite, it’s being true.

I asked her, “What do you wish people knew that you now know?”

“I wish they would emotionally put themselves at the end of their life. It would help them be more mindful about how they spend their time.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mindful means asking ourselves, 'Does this really matter? What will matter in the long run?' When we know we have a limited amount of time, we’re really careful about who we spend it with, what we spend it on.”

Following my call with her, I asked myself, “What am I NOT doing that, at the end of my days, I will wish I had?”

The answer came immediately.

I would wish I had initiated more outings where our whole family got together. I’ve been fortunate this last year to spend time with Tom, Patty and their kids in Boulder and Maui for Christmas, and with Andrew, Miki and Hiro in NY and LA … but it’s been two years since we’ve all been together.

That’s too long. I am the matriarch of our family. It is up to ME to initiate gatherings.

So, I sent them an email asking, “Who wants to run the Bolder Boulder 10K together?”

The Bolder Boulder is the second largest 10K in the country. Anyone can do it. competitive runners, walkers, babies in strollers, even corporate teams in costumes.

This will give us all something to train for, something to look forward to. It will be a wonderful “excuse” to get outside, get fit, and have fun while creating a celebratory and memorable experience.

I can hardly put into words how right this feels.

How about you?

Are you spending your time carefully or carelessly?

What priorities - health, loved ones, your life - are you treating as an “afterthought?”

If you project yourself emotionally to the end of your life, what will you wish you had done?

Why not put a date on the calendar and initiate it now?

Henry Miller said, "Life, as it is called, is for many of us one long postponement."

Are you floating through life, promising yourself you'll do more of what's important ... when you have more time, money or freedom?

Often, the things we wish we had done don't cost a thing. They just involve spending quality time with loved ones, doing things we enjoy, and looking around and appreciating what's right with our world.

And we can all do that, right here, right now if we make it a priority.

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Sam Horn, CEO of the Intrigue Agency, TEDx speaker, and author of POP!, Tongue Fu!, and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? is on a mission to help people create a QUALITY life-work that adds value for all involved. This is excerpted from "SOMEDAY is Not a Day in the Week" (St. Martins Press, 2019)

Enjoy, Imprint and Appreciate the CIRCLE OF LIFE

As I sit here at the midnight hour and hold Baby Hiro, I’ve been thinking a lot about the Circle of Life. Mother Teresa said “Joy is a net by which you catch souls.”

I have had the joy these past few months of spending time with a few of my favorite souls – and two new souls.

When my sons Tom and Andrew called to let me know they and their wives – Patty and Miki – were having babies, and asked if I would I like to spend time with them in Boulder and Brooklyn; the answer was an instant yes.

That led to several months of bliss where I’ve had the opportunity to go to the Denver aquarium, stroll the farmers market, and enjoy street festivals, museums and picnics at lake parks with Tom, Patty, Mateo, and Natalia.

Some of my favorite times have been the simple times, e.g., singing Mateo to sleep after reading him “Good Night Moon” and “Llama, Llama, Red Pajama,” him taking my hand to lead me to the playground, watching him play Jungle Gym (Jungle Tom?) on his dad, baby Natalia chortling in delight as she gets her frequent flyer miles from Patty, hanging out on the couch together and watching Hidden Figures.

And now I’m in NYC with 10 day old Baby Hiro and Andrew and Miki. Is there any deeper joy than a brand new baby resting peacefully on your chest? I gaze at him and think what a miracle he is – what every child is – and how fortunate I am to share these early days and late nights together.

Part of the joy of this experience has been spending time with Patty’s family – her Mom, Dad, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews and nieces – and experiencing the encompassing, enduring support of a loving family.

Add to that the full-circle joy of talking on the phone with my sis Cheri and marveling about “Long Days, Short Years” and how it didn’t seem all that long ago that Tom, Andrew and Christy were newborns, bouncing in their jolly jumpers, getting their drivers license and going to prom.

Andrew and Miki have a steady stream of friends coming by to ooh and aah and welcome Baby Hiro to the world, which has made his arrival even more special.

Being surrounded by three different generations is like a “Circle of Life” come true. As I gaze at Zen Baby Hiro, I am filled with gratitude for the blessing of being able to spend this time with my sons, their soul mates, children and community of friends and family.

As the lyrics from the title song of the Disney movie Lion King say, "From the day we arrive on the planet And, blinking, step into the sun There's more to see than can ever be seen … ... It's the circle of life."

As Mateo, Natalia and Hiro arrive on this planet and step, crawl and blink into the sun, there IS more to see than can ever be seen ... and I’m doing my best to imprint every joyous moment of this circle of life, this circle of love.

SOMEDAY Quote #65: Working Hard For Something We Don't Care About is Called STRESS. Working Hard For Something We Love is Called PASSION.

Kudos to Simon Sinek for this important distinction, "Working hard for something we don't care about is called STRESS. Working hard for something we love is called PASSION." Simon's right. Working on something meaningful makes all the hard work worthwhile.

In fact, it transforms hard work into a "labor of love."

This is one of the many things I love about being a writer.

Hours can go by and I'm not even aware of the passage of time.

That, of course, is the sublime state of FLOW.

Flow is when the world fades away. when we're so immersed and absorbed in what we're doing, it becomes easy, effortless, a joy.

Athletes know what this is like.

Artists, musicians and creatives know what this is like.

Anyone who's ever been in love knows what this is like.

When are you in this state of flow?

When are you working hard, but it doesn't feel like hard work, because you're doing what you love?

One of the best ways to set up SerenDestiny is to have something we're so passionate about, we gladly invest time and effort in it because it doesn't feel like work, it feels like a joy.

What is that for you?

Day Right Quote #61: Children Spell LOVE Differently. They Spell it T-I-M-E.

Children spell LOVE differently. They spell it T-I-M-E. Actually, most people spell love as TIME.

Who do you love?

How will you SHOW them that this weekend by setting other priorities aside and giving them your time, undivided attention and full, appreciative presence?

Are you thinking, "I have work to catch up on? Errands to run. Chores to take care of?"

Please rethink that.

Is that work - are those chores - really more important than your loved ones?

I'm not suggesting we set aside work and chores every weekend.

But this is a holiday weekend.

How about making your family and friends your priority these three days?

You will never regret making time for the people you love - you will only regret not doing it sooner and more often.

Day Right Quote 55: To Love and Be Loved is to Feel the Sun From Both Sides

David Viscott said, "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." So true.

One of the most important lessons-learned from my Year by the Water is that it is NOT always better to GIVE than RECEIVE.

It is better to give AND receive.

So many of us are so busy doing and giving to others, we don't allow them to give to us.

There is a grace in giving and a grace in receiving.

Connection is a two-way street.

Are you enjoying and being blessed by BOTH sides of the sun?

Day Right Quote #42: My Happiness Depends On Me; So You're Off the Hook

This quote from Esther Hicks is one of THE most important lessons of my #life. When I told my adult sons I was embarking on My Year by the Water, they were thrilled. They told me, "We've got this. The best thing you can do for us is to be HAPPY."

In other words, "We can take care of ourselves. It's time to start taking care of YOU."

When are we going to understand that one of the greatest gifts we can give our loved ones is to be happy and healthy and have the light on in our eyes?

Albert Schweitzer said, "In influencing others, example is not the main thing. It is the ONLY thing."

It's not selfish to do what fills you with joy, you are setting an example for others that THIS is how life is supposed to look.

When we go first and lead a life we love, it gives others permission to do the same.

Day Right Quote #40: Life Doesn't Come With a Manual, It Comes With a Mother

In honor of Mothers Day, what did your mother model for you? My mom - Ruth Reed - modeled unconditional love. She never criticized my brother Dave, sister Cheri or me. She believed in us from the beginning and was our biggest supporter.

She helped put the light on in our eyes at an early age by giving us the freedom to head out and ride horses. Instead of cautioning us about what could go wrong and worrying about us, she and my dad trusted we could handle whatever came up.

That belief in our ability to figure things out evolved into a confidence, independence and trust in the world that has led to a life of SerenDestiny filled with adventure, love, joy and fulfillment.

She's been gone now for thirty years - however her enduring influence is for life. Sending up heartfelt thanks, Mom.

What is - or did - your mom model for you? What is - or did - she teach you? How has she impacted you?

Day Right Quote #39: I Have Found If You Love Life, Life Will Love You Back

For the past twenty years, I have started almost every presentation with Arthur Rubenstein's quote, "I have found if you love life, life will love you back." I do that for several reasons.

First, I've found it to be true.

We go first. If we're aware and appreciative of life's marvels - if we SEE the world as a blessed place - than that's our experience of it.

Secondly, I do it and then segue into, “I love this program. To help you love it back, I promise NOT to waste your valuable time, mind and dime on ivory tower theories that aren’t relevant to your world. Instead we’re going to focus on real-life ideas you can use immediately to improve your effectiveness on and off the job. Sound good? Let’s go.”

This is a quick way to let the audience know I care about THEIR priorities and I'm going to do my best to honor them. It also lets them know that I know the clock starts ticking the second I start talking and I better quickly prove this is going to be worth their while.

How about you? Would you say you love life? And how do you start your presentations and meetings?

Day Right Quote #26: What Is True For You?

Oprah Winfrey wraps up every O Magazine with, "What I Know For Sure." What do you know for sure?

What are 3 of your non-negotiables? 3 things you stand for - or won't stand for? 3 crystal clear lessons-learned that determine how you show up every day?

What I've learned is getting crystal clear about this - and keeping this in our life - is key to keeping the light on in our eyes (the definition of SerenDestiny).

One non-negotiable for me is the importance of staying connected with friends and family.

Another is receiving and reveling in the blessing of abundance, being wealthy in what matters and the privilege of doing creative work I love that matters.

Another is how grateful I am for my health and for getting out in nature - every single day - and breathing in its nourishing energy.

What are 3 things that are true for you?

Day Right Quote #11: Love. Pass It On.

Love is the question and the answer. At the end of our #life, what we will remember, what will remain, what will matter is:

"Did we love? Were we loved?"

Is the Light Is On In Your Eyes?

Did you know: * 48% of people say they are tired every single day of the week? * 52% of people feel unappreciated and would quit their job if they could? * that WORK -and the stress leading to it- are now the fifth leading cause of death in the U.S.?

Why are we doing this to ourselves?

I believe it's because "our strength taken to an extreme becomes our Achilles Hell." (Not a typo).

And for many of us, our "strength" is that we want to be a good person. We want to be responsible.

So we go to work and take care of customers and coworkers. We come home and take care of our family. In our community, we take care of friends, neighbors, the people on our church committee, community association board, local sports team or service club.

The question is, are we so busy taking care of everyone else - we have neglected our own priorities, dreams and goals? At what cost?

I believe it's not selfish to do more of what puts the light on in our eyes, it's smart. Here's why I've come to believe it's important to set our SerenDestiny in motion now - not someday.

Several years ago, I had breakfast with Ivan Misner, founder of BNI, (one of the world's largest networking organizations.) After hearing about my full calendar and nonstop travel, he asked, "What do you do for fun?"

Long pause. I finally dug deep and came up with "I walk my dog around the lake."

Please don't get me wrong. I'm grateful to do work I love that matters; it's just that I was going 24/7. (Sound familiar?)

My conversation with Ivan, a health-scare and several other wake-up calls motivated me to do a pattern interrupt.

I gave away 95% of what I owned and took my business on the road for a Year by the Water. I visited oceans, lakes, rivers and waterfalls and wrote about my adventures and insights.

(And yes, I realize how fortunate I am to be at a certain age and stage in my career where I had the freedom, autonomy and wherewithal to do that.)

Do you know what I didn't predict? That my Year by the Water ended up NOT being about the water.

Yes, I swam with dolphins, sailed the Chesapeake Bay and had many memorable times in, on and around the water.

But what turned that trip into a life-changer were the unplanned experiences and disruptive epiphanies that caused me to realize my S.O.P - Standard Operating Procedure - was sadly outdated.

To my surprise, I discovered many of my default beliefs/behaviors - what I thought were right, true, and good - were wrong.

For example, I discovered:

• Hard work is not the secret to success, it's not even close • We need to quit watering dead plants • Fun is not a four-letter word • It's never too late to have a fresh start * Self-sacrifice serves no one • You’ve got to have a dream for a dream to come true

Many of the people I met during my travels told me they felt conflicted, torn, locked into a lifestyle that's nothing like they imagined or expected.

On one hand, they're grateful for their kids, spouse, job, etc.

On the other hand they feel they don't have the freedom to do what makes them happy. The well-meaning model of being responsible to everyone but yourself is producing a generation of unhappy, unhealthy people who are leading a life that is nothing like the one they want and deserve to lead.

It’s time to disrupt what being a “good person," what leading a "good life" looks like.

Rest assured, I am not suggesting we ignore others' needs and think only of our own. I'm suggesting we get clear about our values and priorities - and start creatimg a life that's more in alignment with that NOW, not someday.

What really matters to you – now and in the long run - is deeply personal. Only you can figure out what that is for you.

The good news is, this SERENDESTINY site (and my upcoming book Someday is Not a Day in the Week) can help you start putting yourself back in your own story.

I hope you'll come back and visit frequently. You may find just the right quote, eye-opening insight or inspiring success story to motivate you to do something TODAY that puts the light on in your eyes.

Trust me, you will never regret clarifying what puts the light on in your eyes and bringing more of that into your life; you will only regret not doing it ... sooner.

Don't Wait for Work You Love

"We don't FIND our calling - we create it." - Sam Horn, CEO of the INTRIGUE Agency and author of IDEApreneur People talk about finding their calling … as if it exists out there somewhere, intact, and all they have to do is look long enough and EUREKA, there it will be, hiding behind a tree.

I think our calling - doing work we love that matters - emerges from doing and pursuing things that matter to us.  It is a result of turning our passion into our profession and our joy into our job.

As former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Conner said, "I've had a good life and it's because I stayed busy doing things that mattered to me."

Some people tell me they wish they could turn their joy into their job and do work they love. 

I tell them, "Stop waiting and start creating. They often push back with, "I agree with that in theory, but HOW do I do it in practice?"

I share the backstory of how I got into this career when I didn't even know it was a career. I am doing work I didn’t even know existed when I was in college. There was no major in this. No degree in it.  No newspaper ads featuring this as a job description.  There was no map, no instructions, no directions.

I just navigated my way to my ideal work/life by honoring The Four I’s – Instincts, Interests, Integrity, Lights on IN our Eyes – which are our Career Compass.

The work I'm doing is an accumulation of intuitive steps I took along the way.  When I didn’t know what to do, I checked in with my Four I’s and they  pointed me in the right direction.

Here's what I mean. When I speak for organizations, people often come up afterwards and say some version of this: “It looks like you really enjoy what you do. I wish I could do work I loved. How'd you get started in this?”

Here’s how I got started creating my ideal career  ... and how you can too.

Years ago, I was reading The Washington Post and noticed that the word “concentration” was used six times on the front page of the sports section.

Tennis player Chris Evert said her ability to concentrate and stay focused despite the planes flying overhead was why she’d been able to win the U.S. Open.

A golfer who missed a gimme putt on a sudden death playoff hole said he’d lost his concentration because of the clicking cameras of nearby photographers.

A baseball manager blamed his team’s 7-game losing streak on the fact that players were thinking ahead to the playoffs instead of concentrating on that day’s game.

I was intrigued. (I’ve since come to understand that when we’re intrigued, opportunity is knocking on our heart.)

I thought, “We all wish we could concentrate better but no one ever teaches us how. Concentration is key to just about everything – success in business, relationships, sports and life – but I’ve never seen any books on this topic. I’ve never heard any speakers on this subject. And it matters.”

This topic interested me. I felt it was an important personal and professional skill that would benefit people, so it was in alignment with my integrity. And myinstincts were telling me there was a commercial need for this and people would pay to learn how to do it better.

So, I decided to do a deep dive into the topic of concentration, focus and flow.   I  interviewed athletes, artists, executives, inventors, entrepreneurs and “everyday people” to glean their insights and examples.  Sample questions included:

1.  How did you learn to concentrate?

2. What do you do to stay focused even when you’re busy, distracted or tired?

3. How do you motivate yourself to focus when you don’t feel like it?

4. How do you regain your concentration if you lose it?

5. Do you have any special techniques you use to set up flow and to s-t-r-e-t-c-h your attention span?”

Based on my research; I developed a step-by-step approach on how to pay attention - no matter what - and offered it for Wash DC’s Open University.

At the end of the program, several people came up to ask if I would speak for their conference or company.

That one workshop launched a rewarding career that has taken me around the world and given me blessed opportunities to do work I love that matters with people I enjoy and respect. It even resulted in a book called ConZentrate that’s been featured on Diane Rehm’s popular NPR show, taught at NASA and endorsed by Stephen Covey and Dr. Ed Hallowell ( a leading expert on A.D.D.)

What’s this got to do with you? Would you like to do work that matters to you and to others?  Just ask yourself:

1. What do I find Intriguing?  What interests me? 2. What is something that calls to me  that I think is in Integrity because it would benefit people and add value for them? 3. What is a problem, need or opportunity that has caught my attention and myInstincts are telling me, ‘Somebody should DO something about that?” 4. What puts the light on In my eyes when I'm doing it?

Please understand …you’re as much a somebody as anybody.  Why don’t you do something about it?

Choosing to pursue opportunities that are alignment with your Four I’s can catalyze a life of SerenDestiny where the light is on in your eyes.

From now on, remember, work we love is not out there waiting.  It’s a result of us creating. Pay attention to what honors your Instincts, Interests and Integrity, and Lights on IN the eyes.  

Then,  get busy doing and pursuing what matters to you. What lights you up is your GIFT and gifting that back to the world by getting paid to teach it TO people or do it FOR people is one of the quickest paths to a meaningful career where you earn a good living doing work you love that matter.

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Sam Horn, Intrigue Expert, TEDx speaker, author of IDEApreneur, Tongue Fu! and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? – feels fortunate to do work she loves, speaking for National Geographic, Boeing, Cisco, Capital One, writing books that add value, and helping consulting clients craft quality projects that scale their impact – for good. Want Sam to speak at your next conference? Email Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com for details.